by Julia LaFond

The execs’ brilliant idea to have a castle-themed season of Cursebreakers meant I’d had to put up with twenty-three episodes’ worth of royal entitlement: from Prince Vanitas demanding I refer to his fiancée exclusively as “Fairest of Them All” to Queen Frieda forcing me to transcribe hundreds of obscure names. By comparison, the Marquis of Carabas was a delight. He just insisted on carrying his cat everywhere. The little leather booties he’d forced upon the pitiful creature meant it probably wouldn’t go very far, but I suspected if the tabby got lost in the winding halls, the Marquis and Lady Rose would undoubtedly blame it on me.

While prattling on about the Blue Mansion’s “genuine diamond chandeliers” and “self-cleaning enchantments,” I kept a close eye on the pampered pet. When we reached our first break to catch our breaths without the tabby – or the contestants – getting into any trouble, I started to relax. I peppered more and more quips into the spiel, hoping to get some sort of reaction out of the so-far silent Lady Rose. I failed. All she ever did was smile behind her fan. Thankfully her husband was quick-witted: our repartee about the most definitely unmoving suits of armor would liven up the tour sequence.

Then we got to the last stop.

“This door must never be opened—” 

The cat leapt out of the Marquis’ arms, spitting and hissing like the slab of mahogany was a crouching monster. Admittedly everyone who’d ever succumbed to temptation had never been seen again, but it wasn’t as if I’d brought the real key.

The Marquis turned to me with a frown. “Not this castle.”

“But sir,” I blurted out, “you’re supposed to tour all three—”

“Not this one,” he insisted, his lips thinning as he gathered up his snarling tabby. 

Suppressing a sigh, I led the noble couple to the carriage yard. At least such a dramatic outburst would make a good episode teaser.

#

In pre-production, we’d all agreed the Briar Palace was the episode’s obvious winner. The only “magic” necessary to fix it up was a determined crew of gardeners to clear out the relict thorn hedge. But thanks to all the rumors about the lingering curse, our audience would be wholly convinced the noble newlyweds must have harnessed the power of “true love.” No risk to the buyers, plenty of profit for Princess Briar Rose, and lots of views: an all-around win. 

Or it would have been if Lady Rose hadn’t balked at taking one step past the hedge.

I signaled the camera crew to cut before assuring her, “It’s perfectly safe. Look, see?” I strode through the arch of thorns, then sauntered back out.

She crossed her arms, refusing to budge, so I shot a desperate look at the Marquis.

“My dear, whatever is the matter?” he murmured, briefly setting down his cat so he could take her hands in his.

I moved to intercept the tabby before it could get itself tangled up in the thorny vines, but instead it sat down and began bathing itself. Good.

“Her handiwork,” Lady Rose whispered.

Wondering if she’d really spoken, I looked up just in time to see pebbles falling into the gravel in front of Lady Rose’s feet. No, not pebbles: twin diamonds the size of walnuts. Before I could blink, she snatched them up, hiding her flushing cheeks behind her fan. I’d be embarrassed too if I dropped such valuable gemstones, but why was she carrying them around?

Oh, right: to someone of her standing, they were trifles.

The Marquis sighed, “Not this one, either. I do hope the third castle will be suitable.”

“You can’t!” I shrieked, pulling myself to my full height. “Greenwood Manor—”

“Can’t?” he interrupted, eyebrows beetling.

The camera crew were all gesturing for me to cut, but it was too late for that. “It’s the curse,” I babbled miserably. “Everyone we’ve hired to break it either gave up or died trying. We’ve never lost a contestant before, and I refuse to let you be the first!”

He folded his arms. “Why would you have us tour a castle you had no intention of letting us buy?”

“Because,” I groaned, rubbing my forehead, “we didn’t think you’d choose it. What contestants would want to risk ‘The worst torment upon the earth for owners of noble birth?’”

The Marquis and Lady Rose grinned at each other. Why in the blazes were they grinning at each other?

“A suitable property at last,” sighed the Marquis, reaching down to pet his cat.

No matter how much I tried, I couldn’t talk them out of it.

#

Every day for a month, I waited for news of the contestants’ demise. The longer my mailbox remained empty, the more gruesome the ends I envisioned. But when we went to shoot the “Where Are They Now” segment, nothing could have prepared me for what waited at the Manor’s gates.

“Welcome!” the Marquis all but shouted, vigorously shaking my hand. “You’re going to love what we’ve done with the banquet hall.”

Lady Rose nodded along, silently beaming at the camera as the purring tabby rubbed against my legs. 

Utterly dazed, I followed the healthy, happy nobles through their castle, wondering how they’d overcome a curse so many experts deemed unbreakable. 

“How’d you do it?” I finally blurted out.

“Why, nothing much,” the Marquis replied slyly, and if I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought Lady Rose snickered. “Aside from true love.”

It was a struggle to keep my eyes from narrowing, but I hid my curiosity behind a practiced smile. Thanks to them, we’d flipped the unflippable Manor, so they deserved their royally happy ending. Not to mention the viewers would eat up such a dramatic finale—

The execs would want another castle season.

But maybe that was another thing I could thank them for: if I could tell off such obstinate nobles for being reckless, I could stand up to anyone.