When author Jane Timm Baxter died, the writing world endured a great loss.

Here is a letter she wrote to her husband before dying at young age which I thought expressed her tender heart:

May 6, 2018

To my Dearest Jim,

Exactly 8596 days have passed between the morning I moved into your house on Harbins Road in Dacula, and today; our 23^rd Wedding Anniversary. I still remember calling you late that night, on October 22^nd, asking if you were serious about me moving in with you, as I had just been told by my parents that I had to vacate “their” home the next day.

Nineteen days after I moved in, we were engaged. One hundred and seventy fives days after that, we were married. Yeah, there was a brief divorce in there somewhere, but the only people who “count it” work for the government.

We’ve been together, truly, for better and for worse. We have gone through marriages, births and deaths. We have gone through both dark as well as happy times. We have faced physical illnesses, almost to the point of death, and mental health issues from one spectrum to the other. We have beaten tests against our relationship, our faith, and our very lives. And here we are… still together, and even closer than ever before.

I will most likely continue to wonder why it is that the one person on the planet who has the most reason to hate me, loves me instead. I simply do not think I am capable, in this fleshly life on Earth, of understanding how that is even possible, let alone the fact of its reality. I thank God for it every day, and I thank you for it, even if it is not deserved based on anything I have done. I thank you for loving me even when I am completely positive that what I deserve is so far away from love.

You are everything to me. No matter what emotional state I find myself in, or why I’m in such a state, I know that I love you and you love me… even if I’m covered up in anger, or sadness, or am simply overwhelmed, I know that love is there and that it is real. It may very well be the only thing I actually *know* about anything.

I love you.

I love the way your smile lights up your whole face, and your laughter makes me want to laugh as well.

I love the way play with all our dogs, but particularly with your Buster Boo. I think that if -GOD FORBID- you had to spend even one night away from home, she would have a complete nervous breakdown. If you had to be away from the house for three or four days, I would have to give her Benadryl to calm her and to ensure she wouldn’t murder me in my sleep.

I love the way you insist on “giving me energy” even when you are so exhausted that you can barely exist.

I love the way you respond to me when you’ve “set me up” about a movie, just to see if I’ll guess the ending, and then laughing when I get it right.

I love the way you shed silent tears while thinking about my illnesses and pains, when you don’t know that I’m awake and can see you.

I love the way forgive me when I have failed yet again.

I love the way take the small amount of time available for yourself and, instead of working on art or reading a book or just relaxing, you search the internet, trying to fin anything at all that might help me.

I love the way you just KNOW when I need to go to bed, even when I’m certain that I don’t… and you end up being right.

I love the way that, 9 out of 10 times when we fight or disagree, you are absolutely correct but you are able to refrain from doing the “I told you so!” thing… Well, you’re able to refrain from doing it 8 out of 10 times when you’re right.

I love the way you are as concerned with my Universal journey as you are with your own, and that you present me with spiritual fruits, yet always let me decide what to believe – and then we discuss it.

I love the that you will sit in bed with me all weekend, and watch anything from hours of Looney Tunes to Z grade movies, and everything in between.

I love the way you remain optimistic that “the next day” or “this coming weekend” may be a better health day for me, and in the state of optimism, try to arrange things for us to do if I can leave the house.

I love the way you decided to surprise me by having my grandmother’s rings repaired – and isn’t it interesting that you were able to pick them up on Grandma’s birthday?

I love the way you’d try almost anything to help me, and try to call me several times from work to check in on me.

I love that you would tell every member of your family, my family, and all of our friends and acquaintances to go to Hell and draw them a map on how to get there if they dare to “put me down” around you or to you.

I love how you always get at least one little “surprise treat” for me whenever you go grocery shopping.

I love it when you talk in your sleep. It doesn’t happen often, but it always hits me in the giggle gut because you make no sense at all. For example, you’d be barely snoring, then suddenly say, ”No, don’t do it that way. The goats don’t like it!” Or you mumble something like, “Damn dogs keep fighting my toe and now it’s green.” But then, I make you roll over so I can go back to sleep!

I love that we now say things at the same time, think the same things at the same time, and even try to call each other at the same time… and that ability has grown stronger through the years, and probably will get stronger.

I love that you sacrifice things you want for things you either think would help me, or would make me happy to have, even though I wish you’d do more fun things for yourself (like the camera you want.)

I love how you share your day with me by telling me “what’s up” at each client’s house.

I love that you seem to have the desire to slap one of my business cards into the hand of everyone, even though no one has ever contacted me! LOL!

I love, and truly appreciate, how you take care of our dogs, making sure they have food and water, cleaning their pee pads, as well as keeping track of when they need to get their nails clipped, and making sure that none of them feel left out when you start sharing your food.

I love the way your brain works. You have a beautiful mind.

I love how you always act so happy with everything I give to you (a Christmas/Birthday present, etc.) even when you don’t like it, and you don’t realize the look in your eyes screams “WHATTHEFUCK?”

I love that you get my sense of humor. It makes me feel great when I’m able to make you truly laugh… and that makes me laugh… and then I just wish I could keep you laughing more often.

I love that you still believe in me and my dream of being a novelist.

I love that, even when I leave it messy and trigger your biggest pet peeve, you support and encourage me to make art, even when we really don’t have much room for more stuff.

I love you for trying to teach me how to see my true reflection in a mirror, and not what I was programmed to see as a child.

I love you for trusting me, especially after my past mistakes, to handle the banking records and accounts.

I love you for being happily surprised when I’m able to do anything, like make dinner or unload the dishwasher, or deal with some laundry, as opposed to the majority of husbands who consider doing those things as the bare minimum “their woman” should do.

I love you for encouraging me to continue to grow and learn new things every day, and doing your best to keep me from falling into stagnation. 

I love you for understanding me so manner years ago, when I didn’t even understand me.

I love you for having faith in me when I lose my faith in everything.

I love you for caring enough about me to fight with me when I am wandering onto the wrong path.

I love you for putting me first, even before yourself, and even though I disagree with that.

I love you for constantly trying to make me do one, or all of the following: trying to make me feel happy and laugh; trying to get me to go explore beyond my current boundaries in the topics of faith, issues regarding my health; and even for me to push past my comfort zone in my writing/art.

I love you for not abandoning me due to my health, or due to my lack of being productive for the family, or because I don’t fit into a “box” or “label.”

I love you for loving me without any strings attached.

Regardless of reasons and examples, I simply love you.

Happy 23^rd Wedding Anniversary!